Political Memes

The post Twirling Britney Spears Unaware Phone Died Hours Ago appeared first on The Onion.

Eighty-year-old Betty Kellenberger, without realizing it, became the oldest person to complete the Appalachian Trail, pushing through injuries and weather challenges to finish the full 2,197-mile hike. What do you think?
The post 80-Year-Old Becomes Oldest Woman To Hike Appalachian Trail appeared first on The Onion.

The post Over the River Into the ’Hood appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Following a series of illicit betting scandals that have sent shock waves through the league, the National Basketball Association issued a statement Monday reaffirming its commitment to gamblers only ruining their lives in ways that are completely legal. “When it comes to gambling, the NBA wants to ensure basketball fans are only blowing up […]
The post NBA Reaffirms Commitment To Gamblers Only Ruining Their Lives Legally appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—With deep unease and outright horror haunting millions of Americans as a great shroud enveloped the land, late-breaking reports confirmed Monday that the darkness had returned. Bystanders first spotted the churning, amorphous black fog at 2:37 p.m., when it arose from the shadows and crept toward small towns and cornfields in the Midwest. From there, […]
The post Breaking: The Darkness Returns appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Anticipating the project could be the biggest horror hit of the decade, film studios were reportedly locked in a bidding war Friday over a napkin Stephen King had written the word “Ghoul” on. “It only took him two weeks to write, but it’s incredible—it’s an entire fleshed-out world,” said an insider source, who confirmed that […]
The post Studios Enter Bidding War Over Napkin Stephen King Wrote ‘Ghoul’ On appeared first on The Onion.

LONG BEACH, CA—Wiping sweat from his brow as he clenched a scalpel in his mouth, a man reportedly hot-wired a vasectomy Friday while his accomplice served as lookout. “I’ve got to get in and get out without anyone noticing,” said the unidentified man, whose hands shook as he fumbled with the vas deferens, causing sparks to […]
The post Vasectomy Hot-Wired appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check appeared first on The Onion.

Pizzas from both large chains and local restaurants have successfully found their way to this three-bedroom, two-bath home, so that much is set. Reference #24350
The post Pizza’s Been Delivered Here Before appeared first on The Onion.

The post Dan Snyder Walking Around Commanders Stadium Knocking Food Out Of People’s Hands appeared first on The Onion.