Political Memes
Justin Bieber Sells Rights To Music Catalog For $200 Million
Pop star Justin Bieber has sold the rights to his music to Blackstone-backed Hipgnosis Songs Capital for $200 million, making the 28-year-old “Baby” and “Love Yourself” artist one of the youngest superstars to cash in on his life’s work. What do you think? Read more…
Read MoreTrump Returns To Facebook After 2 Years To Find Everyone Engaged And Having Babies
PALM BEACH, FL—Wistfully remarking how things had changed since he left the social media site two years ago, former President Donald Trump reportedly returned to Facebook Thursday to find everyone engaged and having babies. “Oh wow, Kevin and Kim had a cute little kid after all those years of trying—good for… Read more…
Read MorePolice Urge Calm In Light Of Unspeakable Evil They Committed
MEMPHIS, TN—In an attempt to quell public outrage over the upcoming release of body-cam footage showing the deadly beating of Tyre Nichols by five of its officers, the Memphis Police Department continued to urge calm Thursday in light of the unspeakable evil they had committed. “I understand that this heinous atrocity… Read more…
Read MoreDianne Feinstein Receives Primary Challenge From Buzzard Currently Circling Her
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Read MorePope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks
VATICAN CITY—In a progressive step forward for the Catholic Church, Pope Francis declared Thursday that there was nothing wrong with a guy giving his buddy a tug job after a few drinks. “We are all children of God, and sometimes those children start feeling lonely after happy hour and one thing leads to another,” said……
Read MoreMan Doing ‘Dry January’ Feels Like He’s Been Abusing Family Way Less
WOOSTER, OH—Noting that the self-imposed period of sobriety had given him a new lease on life, local man Jeremy Thatcher told reporters Thursday that doing “Dry January” made him feel like he had been abusing his family way less. “Ever since I stopped drinking booze this month, I’ve noticed I’ve generally had way less… Read…
Read MoreUh Oh, You’ve Encountered The TikTok Bad Boys Gang
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Read MoreTrump, Biden, Pence, Probably Fucking Dan Quayle At This Point, And Classified Documents: What You Need To Know
The recent discoveries of classified documents at the homes of President Joe Biden and former Vice President Mike Pence, coming on the heels of the FBI’s seizure of classified documents from former President Donald Trump’s residence in August 2022, have raised numerous ethical and political questions. The Onion tells… Read more…
Read MoreMan Buys Slice Of Honey-Roasted Ham For Attractive Woman At Other End Of Deli Counter
DAYTON, OH—In an effort to extend his compliments to the alluring shopper after she caught his eye, local man Andrew Williamson reportedly bought a slice of honey-roasted ham Thursday for the attractive woman at the other end of the deli counter. “This was sent from the gentleman standing over by the hot bar,”… Read more…
Read MoreWater From Splash Mountain Selling For Up To $1,000 On eBay After Ride Closes
People are selling water they claim is from Disney World’s Splash Mountain ride for as much as $1,000 after the ride based on the racist 1946 film Song of the South closed for good this week. What do you think? Read more…
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