Political Memes

NEW YORK—Shedding light on the demographic shifts that have transformed the generation’s relationships, a Hunter College study published Monday revealed that more single millennials were settling for a parrot who could dial 911. “We’re finding that an increasing number of millennials are forgoing a serious romantic partner in favor of a cockatiel or macaw who can […]
The post Study: More Single Millennials Settling For Parrot Who Can Dial 911 appeared first on The Onion.

An aid boat carrying environmental campaigner Greta Thunberg and other activists was intercepted by Israeli forces, with Israel’s defense minister having vowed to prevent the ship from reaching the Gaza Strip. What do you think?
The post Israel Intercepts Gaza Aid Boat With Greta Thunberg Aboard appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Teasing several juicy details on the heels of their recent $1 billion purchase of the franchise, Amazon officials announced Friday that the next James Bond film would feature the famed spy facing off against the threat of collective bargaining. “We here at Amazon are so thrilled to bring James Bond back to the big screen, […]
The post Amazon Teases Next James Bond Will Face Off Against Threat Of Collective Bargaining appeared first on The Onion.

The post Dissolving Fillers Leave Face Completely Concave appeared first on The Onion.

This 2-bedroom, 1.5-bath home is conveniently located on a bustling stretch of tarmac at LaGuardia Airport. Reference #257977
The post Close To Transportation appeared first on The Onion.

Greg King, 43, passed away at Grace Hospice Care on Thursday morning after one of his patients decided she didn’t want to leave the world without experiencing what it felt like to kill.
The post Greg King appeared first on The Onion.

PITTSBURGH—After the Steelers signed him to a one-year, $13.6 million deal with performance incentives, quarterback Aaron Rodgers reportedly purchased a lavish underground bunker Tuesday in the heart of Pittsburgh. “I’ve always loved Pittsburgh, and I’m excited to finally get settled into a new survival shelter in an undisclosed location deep beneath the city,” said the […]
The post Aaron Rodgers Purchases Lavish Pittsburgh-Area Bunker appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Disseminating grainy footage of the California Democrat meeting his disturbing and bloody end, Immigration and Customs Enforcement released a video Tuesday in which Gov. Gavin Newsom is seen being beheaded. “This is a message to the enemies of immigration enforcement: Gov. Newsom’s fate will be yours should you stand in the way of national purity,” […]
The post ICE Releases Gavin Newsom Beheading Video appeared first on The Onion.

The post The Onion’s Box Office Hits appeared first on The Onion.

ATLANTA—Stressing that the rules were formulated for the safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new guidelines Thursday governing female body hair. “Effective immediately, women nationwide are advised to remove all hair from arms, legs, underarms, and genital areas or suffer the legal consequences,” said CDC spokesperson Jamie Reardon, stressing that […]
The post CDC Publishes   Female Body Hair Guidelines appeared first on The Onion.