Political Memes
Bruno Mars Reportedly In $50 Million Of Debt With MGM Casino After Assuming Cocktails Were Complimentary
LAS VEGAS—Now in the eighth year of his long-term residency at the resort, pop star Bruno Mars reportedly owes the Park MGM $50 million after having assumed since 2016 that the casino cocktails were complimentary. “They’re supposed to be free, right—at least while you’re gambling?” asked the “Uptown Funk” singer,…Read more…
Read MoreRemoved Notre Dame Scaffolding Reveals Construction Crew Accidentally Built Mosque
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Read MoreJake Paul Announces He Is Bringing Gun With Him To Fight Mike Tyson
DORADO, PUERTO RICO—In response to a training video that the six-time former heavyweight champion posted in anticipation of their match, Jake Paul announced Monday that he was bringing a gun with him to fight Mike Tyson. “This July, when I fight Mike Tyson, I will come to the arena with a loaded firearm,” the…Read more…
Read MoreThrow Another Epilogue On The Fire
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Read MoreEverything Lara Trump Plans To Do After RNC Takeover
And the RNC is going to pay for it.Read more…
Read MoreUnsettling Ancestry.com Report Informs Man Genghis Khan Descended From Him
CLEVELAND—Remarking that his family history was apparently far more complicated than he originally thought, Cleveland resident Nathan Yang received an unsettling Ancestry.com report Monday that said Genghis Khan descended from him. “Huh, that’s weird—this says that I’m closely related to the first khagan of the Mongol…Read more…
Read MorePrudish Woman On First Date Declines To Bear Man’s Children
DURHAM, NC—After stressing that she preferred to wait until the third date, local prudish woman Sophia Thomas reportedly declined Monday to bear local man Alex Campbell’s children on their first date. “What do you mean you don’t feel comfortable propagating my bloodline after only knowing me for a few hours?” said…Read more…
Read MoreStreaming Algorithm Recommends Man A Bunch Of Man Movies
BALTIMORE—Harnessing the power of AI to tailor suggestions to users’ one-of-a-kind tastes, the Amazon Prime Video streaming algorithm recommended local man Doug Guzik, 41, a bunch of man movies, sources confirmed Monday. “Oh nice, they have The Revengalizer,” said Guzik, who sat on the couch with his brow furrowed in…Read more…
Read MoreResearchers Say Python Meat Could Help Food Insecurity
Researchers studying python farming in Thailand and Vietnam found that the snakes are more efficient to raise than other animals farmed for meat, able to grow rapidly while eating less food than other livestock, which could help offset rising food insecurity. What do you think?Read more…
Read MoreDog Feels Like Everyone Looking At Him Differently Ever Since He Swallowed Chipmunk Whole
MARYVILLE, TN—Noting a marked shift in vibe, local dog Bailey confirmed Monday that he felt like everyone was looking at him differently ever since he swallowed a chipmunk whole. “I don’t know why, but it just seems like ever since I downed that chipmunk in one bite everyone has been super weird with me,” said the…Read more…
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