Political Memes

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PALO ALTO, CA—Claiming the brand was faultless if drivers were not fully engaged while at the wheel, Tesla CEO Elon Musk blamed user error Friday after cars reportedly began sealing off windows and suffocating their owners alive. “Unfortunately, while it’s a rare and preventable tragedy, many people are not prepared… Read more…

BEAVERCREEK, OH—Stressing he did not need anything fancy, local laid-back dad Mark McNaren told his family Friday that he just wanted a new pair of the brandless aviators he got at an Omaha gas station back in 1993 for Father’s Day. “You know, what I’d really love is a pair of those shades we got…

ANN ARBOR, MI—Having determined through empirical research that childrearing is bullshit and totally not worth it, a study published Friday by sociologists at the University of Michigan found that a growing number of American women are delaying motherhood because the whole thing blows. “Our research indicates that… Read more…

Texas GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert suggested in a recent congressional hearing that altering the moon’s orbit could combat climate change, asking a U.S. Forest Service official whether there was any way the agency could do it. What do you think? Read more…

KISSIMMEE, FL—Expressing his enthusiasm over the Disney+ series, area Loki fan Kent Milner told reporters Friday that he loved how the show contained so many references to Loki. “It’s a real treat for MCU fanatics like myself to see the creators include so many subtle nods to the Asgardian God of Mischief in the… Read…

NEW YORK—Saying he was “ready to own it,” Dan Burnside, departing CEO of the troubled Fortune 500 company Adelwright Industries, announced Friday he would be accepting full compensation for mistakes he made that jeopardized the business. “I stand before you today humbled by my past missteps, and in order to make… Read more…

SANTA FE, NM—Advising residents to avoid prolonged outdoor activity, the National Weather Service reported Friday that a scorching heat wave had caused unsightly blisters to bubble up across the American Southwest. “Although the region is known for its flare-ups this time of year, these are some of the most… Read more…

NEW YORK—Worried that people might think they would get in trouble or be blocked from using the service, a new MLB.TV ad campaign launched Friday reminding subscribers they can give away their log-in information to any number of people they want. “Seriously, look, give it to your dad, give it to your friend, we don’t……

DURHAM, NC—Growing increasingly desperate as she progressed further and further down the store aisle, local woman Chelsea Paxton was reportedly struggling to find a Father’s Day card Friday that didn’t use the word “love.” “This one just says ‘Thanks for everything’ inside, which is vague and brief like I wanted, but… Read more…