Political Memes

Astronomers have discovered over 100 additional moons orbiting Saturn, bringing the gas giant’s total to 274. What do you think?
The post 128 New Moons Found Orbiting Saturn appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Failing to receive the reaction he anticipated from audience members, JD Vance was booed at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts while playing a French horn solo, sources confirmed Friday. The stage curtains reportedly rose to reveal the vice president, an amateur horn player, standing by himself behind a music stand, a […]
The post JD Vance’s French Horn Solo Booed At Kennedy Center appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In the wake of a growing outbreak that has sickened hundreds and killed two in West Texas and New Mexico, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed Friday that measles could be cured with a good concealer. “If you contract measles or suspect you have contracted measles, I recommend immediately applying a […]
The post RFK Jr. Claims Measles Can Be Cured With A Good Concealer appeared first on The Onion.

The post Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage appeared first on The Onion.

A Memphis man was recently grazed by a bullet in his home after his 1-year-old pit bull, Oreo, got his paw stuck in the trigger guard of a gun, causing it to fire. What do you think?
The post Tennessee Man Shot By Dog appeared first on The Onion.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Suggesting the reversal of a longstanding historical trend towards urbanization, a report published Tuesday by researchers at Harvard University revealed that more Americans were moving away from cities to pursue a rural life where they have an escalating feud with a beaver. “Our findings indicate there has been a 15% increase in Americans who […]
The post Report: More Americans Moving Away From Urban Areas For Rural Life Where They Have Escalating Feud With Beaver appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Slumping back in their chairs and whining at the sight of intravenous lines in their bruised arms, a pale Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly asked their Uncle Elon on Friday when they could stop giving him blood. “We’re tired, Uncle Elon—tired and hungry,” said Eric, the younger of the Trump boys, who began […]
The post Pale Trump Boys Ask When They Can Stop Giving Uncle Elon Blood appeared first on The Onion.

As the trade war heats up, Canada has imposed 25% retaliatory tariffs on billions of dollars of U.S. goods. Here are all the other ways Canada is fighting back: Dramatically paring back supply of fictional girlfriends Going shelf to shelf to boo imported American groceries Selling us syrup from their worst-tasting maple trees Aiming all […]
The post How Canadians Are Fighting Back Against U.S. Tariffs appeared first on The Onion.

PALM SPRINGS, CA—Appreciative of the quality time with those who have touched the life of their dear friend, guests at a bachelorette party expressed gratitude Friday that the recent celebration had provided them with valuable time to get high with the bride-to-be’s cousin. “It’s easy to lose sight of these relationships as time goes on, […]
The post Bachelorette Party Provides Friends Valuable Time To Get High With Bride’s Cousin appeared first on The Onion.

The post CEO’s Son Explains Why He Refuses To Let Father Help Him Sexually Harass Subordinates appeared first on The Onion.