Political Memes
PBS NewsHour Interrupted By Repo Men Seizing Desk
The post PBS NewsHour Interrupted By Repo Men Seizing Desk appeared first on The Onion.
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Trump Vows To Reopen Joann Fabrics As Prison
WASHINGTON—Vowing to restore and revitalize the facilities as a symbol of law, order, and justice, President Donald Trump ordered the U.S. government Monday to reopen Joann Fabrics and Crafts stores as federal prisons. “I am directing the Bureau of Prisons to use all 850 Joann locations to house America’s most ruthless and violent Offenders,” Trump wrote […]
The post Trump Vows To Reopen Joann Fabrics As Prison appeared first on The Onion.
Australians Rescue Great White Shark Stranded In Shallow Water
A great white shark trapped on a sand bank along the coast of Australia was saved by three men who spent nearly an hour maneuvering the animal into deeper waters. What do you think?
The post Australians Rescue Great White Shark Stranded In Shallow Water appeared first on The Onion.
Cooper Flagg’s Agent Negotiates 10% Increase In Textbook Buyback Value At Duke Bookstore
DURHAM, NC—Threatening to have his client sit out the rest of the academic semester unless he was paid what he’s worth, Cooper Flagg’s agent Austin Brown negotiated a 10% increase Monday in textbook buyback value for the NCAA star from the Duke University bookstore. “This Intro to Psychology textbook is top-of-the-line, and we aren’t budging […]
The post Cooper Flagg’s Agent Negotiates 10% Increase In Textbook Buyback Value At Duke Bookstore appeared first on The Onion.
Early 2000s Media Criticized For Harsh Treatment Of D.C. Sniper
WASHINGTON—Questioning the press’s past coverage of the man known as the D.C. sniper, social media users have reportedly begun criticizing the early 2000s media for its harsh treatment of John Allen Muhammad. “You should have seen the tabloids back then—they were so mean to him,” 37-year-old podcast host Leigh Scholler wrote Monday, lambasting outlets from […]
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Autism: Myth Vs. Fact
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 31 U.S. children is diagnosed with ASD, also known as autism spectrum disorder. The Onion dispels the common myths surrounding autism. MYTH: Autism is caused by vaccines. FACT: There is no scientific evidence that the microchips inside vaccines are linked to autism. MYTH: All autistic people […]
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Study Finds Ozempic May Reduce Signs Of Fatty Liver Disease
A study in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that semaglutides, such as Ozempic and Wegovy, may help treat fatty liver disease, pointing to yet another potential use for these popular weight-loss drugs. What do you think?
The post Study Finds Ozempic May Reduce Signs Of Fatty Liver Disease appeared first on The Onion.
‘GTA VI’ Delayed Until Developers Get Grades Up
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Scolding thousands of employees for letting themselves become distracted from their schooling, Rockstar Games announced Friday that Grand Theft Auto VI would be delayed until the studio’s developers got their grades up. “We understand how much our team wants to release a painstakingly crafted Vice City into the world, but there’s just no way […]
The post ‘GTA VI’ Delayed Until Developers Get Grades Up appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Revokes PBS Funding After Antique Grandfather Clock Receives Meager Appraisal
WASHINGTON—Signing the executive order just minutes after storming off the set, President Donald Trump revoked federal funding for PBS this week after his grandfather clock reportedly received a lower-than-expected Antiques Roadshow appraisal. “For Christ’s sake, $2,500?” said a visibly flabbergasted Trump, who appeared to grow more and more irate as the appraiser explained that the […]
The post Trump Revokes PBS Funding After Antique Grandfather Clock Receives Meager Appraisal appeared first on The Onion.
Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame
The post Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame appeared first on The Onion.
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