Thanksgiving Travel By The Numbers

According to a new AAA report, a record number of Americans plan to travel 50 miles or more for the holidays this year. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind Thanksgiving travel.

60,000

Redeemed airline miles wasted on round-trip flight to Ohio

2

Oven-roasted whole turkeys each passenger allowed to carry on

4 a.m.

Time aunt is serving dinner this year so nobody hits traffic

3.375

Terabytes of data used by mothers reminding their adult sons to pack a nice sweater

158 lbs

Minimum amount of turkey needed in vehicle to justify using the carpool lane

C19

Your newly assigned gate on the opposite side of the fucking airport

3 BPM

Heart rate of grandpa in the backseat

100:1

Odds the meal isn’t worth this shit

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