Autism: Myth Vs. Fact
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 31 U.S. children is diagnosed with ASD, also known as autism spectrum disorder. The Onion dispels the common myths surrounding autism. MYTH: Autism is caused by vaccines. FACT: There is no scientific evidence that the microchips inside vaccines are linked to autism. MYTH: All autistic people […]
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Australians Rescue Great White Shark Stranded In Shallow Water
A great white shark trapped on a sand bank along the coast of Australia was saved by three men who spent nearly an hour maneuvering the animal into deeper waters. What do you think?
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Study Finds Ozempic May Reduce Signs Of Fatty Liver Disease
A study in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that semaglutides, such as Ozempic and Wegovy, may help treat fatty liver disease, pointing to yet another potential use for these popular weight-loss drugs. What do you think?
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‘GTA VI’ Delayed Until Developers Get Grades Up
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Scolding thousands of employees for letting themselves become distracted from their schooling, Rockstar Games announced Friday that Grand Theft Auto VI would be delayed until the studio’s developers got their grades up. “We understand how much our team wants to release a painstakingly crafted Vice City into the world, but there’s just no way […]
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Trump Revokes PBS Funding After Antique Grandfather Clock Receives Meager Appraisal
WASHINGTON—Signing the executive order just minutes after storming off the set, President Donald Trump revoked federal funding for PBS this week after his grandfather clock reportedly received a lower-than-expected Antiques Roadshow appraisal. “For Christ’s sake, $2,500?” said a visibly flabbergasted Trump, who appeared to grow more and more irate as the appraiser explained that the […]
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Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame
The post Jordon Hudson Inducted Into NFL Hall Of Fame appeared first on The Onion.
Stephen Miller Dead Behind Eyes At 39
The post Stephen Miller Dead Behind Eyes At 39 appeared first on The Onion.
Chobani CEO Warns New Hire They In The Yogurt Game Now
NEW BERLIN, NY—Taking the rookie employee aside to offer him “a word to the wise,” Chobani CEO Hamdi Ulukaya warned new hire Austin Cook that he was in the yogurt game now, company sources confirmed Friday. “I don’t know what they taught you back in the boonies of the almond milk world, but you better […]
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Man Gets Best Ideas In Splash Zone
ORLANDO, FL—Claiming epiphanies just seem to come to him when he sits by an orca tank, local man Troy Morales told reporters Friday that he always gets his best ideas in the splash zone. “Something about a 10-foot wall of water crashing onto me really gets the brain juices flowing,” said Morales, who described a […]
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What To Know About ‘Sinners’
Sinners, the new movie from Ryan Coogler starring Michael B. Jordan, has received widespread praise from critics and audiences. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What is Sinners about? A: America’s inability to discuss its complex racial history without bringing the Irish into things. Q: Has Sinners broken any […]
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