The post Erewhon Defends $19 Strawberry: ‘It’s Made To Be Split’ appeared first on The Onion.

Only Murders In The Building, Hulu: Yes, season four technically came out in August, but we’ve been busy, okay? Nova: Decoding The Universe, PBS: Tell everyone you’re watching this one so they know just what a smarty pants you are. Tomb Raider: The Legend Of Lara Croft, Netflix: Lara Croft returns in this action-packed animated […]
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Despite the tide of aquatic opinion flowing in favor of reproductive rights for all, marine society still gives male seahorses very little say over what happens to their own bodies. Instead, we are treated as passive baby-making machines. Meanwhile, if it were the female seahorses who could get pregnant, there’d probably be an abortion clinic […]
The post If Females Could Get Pregnant, There’d Be An Abortion Clinic On Every Coral appeared first on The Onion.

Q: Why is the Trump administration targeting the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration? A: To encourage forecast-obsessed Americans to live in the moment. Q: Why do we need NOAA? A: We’re about to find out. Q: Why do Republicans want to privatize the agency’s work? A: Conservatives believe a free market will provide the best […]
The post What To Know About NOAA appeared first on The Onion.

Colombian police apprehended a man attempting to smuggle 220 grams of cocaine in small bags hidden under his toupee, which authorities are now describing as a “narco wig.” What do you think?
The post Police Catch Man Smuggling Cocaine Under Toupee appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Renames Eric ‘Eric Of America’ appeared first on The Onion.

Following his Oval Office clash with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, President Donald Trump has paused military aid to Ukraine. The Onion fact-checks Trump on the Russia-Ukraine war. Claim: Zelensky never told the United States ‘thank you.’ False: Every voice other than his own just sounds like high-pitched ringing to Trump. Claim: Ukraine started the war. […]
The post Fact-Checking Trump On The Russia-Ukraine War appeared first on The Onion.

RANBURNE, AL—Concluding an hours-long summit with top thinkers from the area, residents of a town with a heavyset mule stuck halfway through a barn door declared Thursday that they’re plumb out of ideas. The townsfolk, who were spotted scratching their chins and shaking their heads, had reportedly convened around the rear end of a stout […]
The post Town With Heavyset Mule Stuck In Barn Door Plumb Out Of Ideas appeared first on The Onion.

MINNEAPOLIS—In a touching moment that left the terminally ill child excitedly rambling and beaming from ear to ear, witnesses confirmed Friday that Charli XCX had done a line of coke with 11-year-old Make-A-Wish recipient Luna Waites.  “It’s always been my daughter’s dream to rip lines of blow with Charli, and I’m so glad Make-A-Wish was […]
The post Charli XCX Does Line Of Coke With 11-Year-Old Make-A-Wish Fan appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Promising a glorious future marked by limitless prosperity for the East Asian nation, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision Tuesday night for a golden age of China. “Under my leadership, a prosperous new era of Chinese dominance will begin, the likes of which have never been seen before,” Trump said in an address to […]
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