Mitch McConnell Leaves Capitol In Wheelchair After Fall

Mitch McConnell Leaves Capitol In Wheelchair After Fall

By Memes LOL | February 7, 2025

Senator Mitch McConnell fell twice and was escorted out of the Capitol in a wheelchair as a precautionary measure, one of multiple health issues the former majority leader has had in recent years. What do you think?
The post Mitch McConnell Leaves Capitol In Wheelchair After Fall appeared first on The Onion.

Artist Profile: Kendrick Lamar

Artist Profile: Kendrick Lamar

By Memes LOL | February 7, 2025

Fresh off five wins at the Grammys, rapper Kendrick Lamar will headline Super Bowl LIX’s halftime show this Sunday. Here is everything you need to know about the artist.  Birthplace: Calabasas, CA Genre: Grammy rap Favorite Instrument: Mouth Childhood Pen Pal: Aubrey Graham of Toronto  Biggest Fear: Confrontation Biggest Fan: Drake’s lawyer Conservative Turn: 2027 […]
The post Artist Profile: Kendrick Lamar appeared first on The Onion.

Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn

Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn

By Memes LOL | February 7, 2025

BALTIMORE—Mutely observing as the lewd query was entered into the prompt, a pioneering female archaeologist featured in a Google Doodle bore silent witness to local man Daniel Thornstein’s search for Zootopia porn, sources reported Friday. Harriet Boyd Hawes, an early 20th-century American archaeologist known for her groundbreaking work in Aegean antiquities, reportedly looked on wordlessly […]
The post Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn appeared first on The Onion.

Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk

Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk

By Memes LOL | February 7, 2025

WASHINGTON—Trying to figure out if he had a third brother he forgot about or if Don Jr. had just lost some weight, President Donald Trump was reportedly struggling Friday to remember how he was related to Elon Musk. “I know that if he’s this high up in my organization this Elon guy must be related […]
The post Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk appeared first on The Onion.

Trump Proposes U.S. Takeover Of Gaza

Trump Proposes U.S. Takeover Of Gaza

By Memes LOL | February 6, 2025

President Trump declared that the United States should seize control of Gaza and permanently displace the entire Palestinian population of the devastated seaside enclave, one of the most brazen ideas that any American leader has advanced in years. What do you think?
The post Trump Proposes U.S. Takeover Of Gaza appeared first on The Onion.

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

By Memes LOL | February 6, 2025

WASHINGTON—Rebuking President Trump’s decision to pardon Jan. 6 rioters, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) staunchly vowed this week to continue falling down stairs in the face of an apparent fascist takeover. “I can no longer physically stand upright for a party that excuses a violent insurrection that targeted our Capitol,” the 82-year-old lawmaker said as he […]
The post Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover appeared first on The Onion.

NBC Producers Deny Using AI In New Series ‘Detective Fireman Lawyer Chicago Los Angeles Show’

NBC Producers Deny Using AI In New Series ‘Detective Fireman Lawyer Chicago Los Angeles Show’

By Memes LOL | February 6, 2025

NEW YORK—Issuing a categorical denial of the accusations, NBC producers announced Thursday there was absolutely no usage of artificial intelligence in the new series Detective Fireman Lawyer Chicago Los Angeles Show. “At NBC, we are passionate about storytelling, and the truth is that machine learning isn’t capable of bringing to life vibrant characters like Jim Jack […]
The post NBC Producers Deny Using AI In New Series ‘Detective Fireman Lawyer Chicago Los Angeles Show’ appeared first on The Onion.

‘The Sims’ Turns 25

‘The Sims’ Turns 25

By Memes LOL | February 6, 2025

The Sims, which has sold nearly 200 million copies, celebrates its 25th anniversary this February. In honor of the video game franchise, The Onion looks back at its key milestones.  1977: Will Wright gets a great idea for a video game while watching a family burn to death in their home. 1989: SimCity, the game’s […]
The post ‘The Sims’ Turns 25 appeared first on The Onion.

Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil

Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil

By Memes LOL | February 6, 2025

WASHINGTON—Claiming that the waterway will now be called the America Canal, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that the Panama Canal would be relocated to U.S. soil. “Our beautiful system of channels and locks is finally coming home, folks!” said Trump in a Truth Social post before signing an executive order directing American personnel to airlift […]
The post Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil appeared first on The Onion.

Jealous Trump Boys Try To Convince Father That Barron A DEI

Jealous Trump Boys Try To Convince Father That Barron A DEI

By Memes LOL | February 6, 2025

WASHINGTON—Whining that they were being discriminated against even though they were the “bestest sons ever in the whole wide world,” the Trump Boys attempted Thursday to convince their father that Barron was getting unfair advantages because he was a DEI. “Daddy, Barron is ruining our lives because he’s different,” said a pouting Donald Jr., who […]
The post Jealous Trump Boys Try To Convince Father That Barron A DEI appeared first on The Onion.