Trump Casts Cabinet In ‘Les Misérables’ Amid Kennedy Center Boycott

WASHINGTON—Sitting in the front row and snapping his fingers in time to the 1980 musical’s overture, President Donald Trump rehearsed his Cabinet for a Kennedy Center performance of Les Misérables amid an escalating boycott by the show’s usual cast, sources reported Friday. “Marco, I want you in there as Jean Valjean, and give us your full energy on ‘Look Down’—remember, chest voice, not head voice! You’re a prisoner, for goodness sake, not Patti LuPone,” said the visibly anxious president, who, after glancing at a list of Broadway actors who had departed from the production out of protest, turned to JD and Usha Vance, telling the vice president and second lady to don bicorne hats, scarves, and aprons for the roles of Madame and Monsieur Thénardier. “Relax, JD! ‘Master Of The House’ doesn’t need you to hit any high notes. Just keep up that bawdy energy of yours, and you’ll win over the audience. Now, places people! We’re going to nail the choreography on the barricade sequence if it kills me.” At press time, Trump was overheard ordering a weeping Attorney General Pam Bondi to take ‘I Dreamed A Dream’ from the top and to please stay in tune this time.

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